i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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