We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
