idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I'm going to jail i love you
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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