i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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