He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
