she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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