It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
