its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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