I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
