My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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