I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize