i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
You made out with two different species that night
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize