Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
