its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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