I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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