I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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