I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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