She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
