Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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