I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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