you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
