Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
