i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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