Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I think my vagina is haunted
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
