pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
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