I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
how drunk are you?
Several
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize