Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize