Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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