I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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