Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
