she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize