You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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