Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Screwed.edu
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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