he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
