I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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