I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
