Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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