the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Do you still have your period?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
