so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
