also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
