He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize