I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Randomize