He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
