Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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