There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
