In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
