Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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