If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
