she pinky promised me she was 18
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
