You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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