i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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