I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
