Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
