Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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