the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
no, he came in my armpit
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
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