Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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