You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
