i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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