I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
