Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
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