I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
