eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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