I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
